aisha fashion

I'm a Bad Tipper

2012-01-13T04:00:00.000-08:00

• One way to drink more water is to drink scotch-and-water and spit out the scotch.  

• Replace sugar with salt and salt with sugar.

• One way to train for a 26.2 mile marathon is to get really good at running .2 miles and then, when you’re comfortable, add in the 26-mile part.

• Remember, when you “sabotage” your diet plans, you’re making a “sab” out of “tag” and “e” (don’t stop and try to figure that out… just keep moving on!).

•   You can get into any Weight Watchers meeting by looking exactly like Jennifer Hudson.  

• Never eat black cat on a weigh-in day.

• Two things that make you look trimmer are wearing dark clothing and losing weight.

• When you're at a restaurant, ask yourself one question: "What the hell am I doing at this restaurant?"

•   Did you know that you can actually leave the banana skins on when you mix up a smoothie? Of course, you can't drink it then...  

• Instead of taking the stairs, take the elevator. Wait, you didn't let me finish… take the elevator while doing 1,000 lunges!

Life Is Good

2012-01-12T12:00:00.000-08:00

Life is good.

Well, life is pretty good.

I mean, it’s okay, I guess.

There’s a lot of things that thoroughly frost my shorts though, like people being mean to each other and the way my body seems to sometimes crave all the wrong kinds of foods and then makes me feel miserable.

Life is pretty crappy sometimes.

You turn around twice and you’re older than you want to be, less healthy than you want to be, maybe not exactly where you thought you’d be by this point.

C'mon Life! What are ya doin' to me?

I mean, sometimes you get so stressed out and so worked up that you think you’re gonna explode.

And then you come to a realization: I don’t have control of every aspect of my life, but I do have control the most important ones.

I may be older now but I like to think I’m wiser, too. I may be less healthy than I want to be but I’m healthier than I was yesterday. If I’m not exactly where I want to be right now, I AM on my way.

And life is pretty fantastic sometimes.

There are a lot of things that put a smile on my kisser, like people doing good things for each other and the way my body accepts that I’m trying to take it to a better place.

Life is good.

Working Out Sucks Winners!

2012-01-12T04:24:00.000-08:00

In my “Working Out Why Working Out Sucks Doesn’t Suck Giveaway,” I promised to give away three copies of Working Out Sucks! by Chuck Runyon, the CEO and Co-Founder of Anytime Fitness. Well, I always keep my promises (except when I promised to take my daughter to Disneyworld… it really wasn’t that much fun, Pisa; the lines were waaaaay too long!).

Anyway, I asked readers to give me their excuses for not working out, and of those entries, I chose these winners…

BeBeGetsWordy said...
1. It's slightly tepid outside and I need a perfect balmy weather to go running  
2. The treadmill went really hard last week with me, so I think IT needs rest
  3. I got home late (5:05pm as opposed to 5:00pm)
  4. I lost weight this week, I can take today and tomorrow off  
5. I need to spend some quality time with my couch. It misses me.  (I actually have used all of these. No joke)

Tigerlilly said...
My worst excuse ever is ... " I can't go workout, I have kids" ... when the truth is they are my reason for working out and losing weight. Plus, my gym has awesome child care that my kids love going to.

Calvin said...
JackSh*t, I always use the one tried and true method of avoiding working out. It's a twofold approach that helps me to a) deny responsibility and b) make myself self-important. I say, "I just don't have enough time to workout". And voila, it works. What is really a 2 hour meeting in the morning, becomes an all day affair that kept me from attending the gym at 10:00 pm. Although I slept in on Saturday and didn't wake up until 1:00 pm due to partying until 7:00 a.m. the night before becomes, "I was so exhausted from all the contacts I had to make the day before, I simply had nothing else left to give to myself". Yep, I become the martyr who's fitness is secondary to saving the world in which we live. In short--- I have more time than I think if I would actually be responsible about it.

Thanks to everyone who participated, and special thanks to my friends at Fitfluential and Anytime Health.

Zipfizzy-Doo-Dah

2012-01-11T04:18:00.000-08:00

It happened on one of those Zipfizzy-Doo-Dah days
Now that’s the kind of day when you can't keep your eyes open 
Without a lil help from Zipfizz.  

Zipfizzy-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Yay.
Somebody sent me free Zipfizz today! 
Plenty of caffeine headed my way! 
Zipfizzy-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Yay

Mister Jack Sh*t’s got free Zipfizz!  
It came for me.
For me especially.
Everything was complimentary! 

Zipfizzy-Doo-Dah, Zipfizzy whiz! 
Wonderful feeling. 
Got free Zipfizz! 
Yes Sir!  

Zipfizzy-Doo-Dah, Zipfizzy fix! 
My oh my, healthy energy mix.  
Vitamins and minerals headed my way. 
Zipfizzy-Doo-Dah, Zipfizzy Yay!  

Got some Zipfizz for my cup now. 
In a tube shaped  
Like batteries. 
Plus, it’s only got 10 calories!  

Zipfizzy-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Yay.
Wonderful Zipfizz! 
Mix with water, okay?

Got no sugar, so no let-down. 
Take a drink, 
Before exercisin’ 
Huh........who took my Zipfizz?
MMMmm MMMmm 
Boy, this stuff is energizin’! 

Zipfizzy-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Yay. 
Wonderful Zipfizz, 
Get some today!

Summer Hairstyles 2012

2012-01-10T15:56:00.000-08:00

Summer Hairstyles 2012

More Signs That You Have a Bad Personal Trainer

2012-01-10T05:30:00.000-08:00

• Just wants you to do jumping jacks in the parking lot for an hour.

• Charges 99¢ a minute.

• Admits to being a Nazi war criminal.

• Stays on phone for entire session, in which you overhear several comments about “this fat loser that I’m working with right now.”

• Not sure what a “lunge” is.

• Insists that you wear thong and ass-less chaps during session.

• Keeps curling up under bench press bench and falling asleep.

• All instructions are in baby talk.

• Wears a shirt that reads “CERTIFIED PERSONAL TRAITOR”

• Whips you across the back with belt while you’re doing rowing machine.

• Carries a water bottle filled with Jack Daniels.

• Hits you in the facew with pepper spray if you don’t finish a set.

• Keeps talking about some post his buddy Jack wrote on his dumbass blog.

Weightside Story

2012-01-09T04:01:00.000-08:00

JACKIA

I feel sh*tty.
 Pants don’t fit me.
 I feel sh*tty, fulla pity and fat, 
And I pity 
Anybody who feels like that.

 I feel heavy. 
Oh so heavy. 
Like a Chevy, so heavy I feel. 
And so sh*tty,
Like I ate way too much last meal.

See the sh*tty guy in that mirror there?
How did his pants get so tight?
Such a flabby ass.
Such a flabby gut.
Such a flabby neck.
Such a flabby me!

I feel rotten.
Misbegotten. 
Health forgotten,
And making me ill.
And I feel
My life heading straight downhill.   

GIRLS

Have you met my good friend Jack Sh*tty?
 The craziest dude in blogdom. 
You'll know from the minute you read him.
 He’ll inspire you to get out and jog some. 
He thinks he’s so funny. 
He thinks he’s a wit. 
He isn’t that funny. 
He don’t know Jack Sh*t.
But he tries really hard
To help and inspire.
He wants you to be healthy
And lose that spare tire. 
 So keep up with it
Stay more active
You don’t have to be the person you were.
Lazy and fat
Health on the decline.
Washing down Fritos
With glasses of wine.
Mister Sh*tty Man, Mr. Sh*tty man, post.
Mr. Sh*tty man, write one more post.

JACKIA

I feel sweaty.
 Oh so steady.
And I’m ready to finally break free.
So tough titty,
Nothing's ever gonna stop me!   

I feel hearty. 
Not so farty. 
I feel healthy and hearty and fine. 
And so happy. 
My future is finally mine.

See the muscley man in that mirror there. 
How did his muscles get so puffy? 
Such muscley lats.
 Such muscley glutes .
Such muscley guns.
 Such a muscley me!

JACKIA & GIRLS

I feel happy. 
Not so crappy.
 Feel like running and trying my best.
 For I’m healthy, 
On a healthy health-finding quest!

Suffering from “Cramnesia”

2012-01-08T04:35:00.000-08:00

Weekly weigh-in: 250.2
Loss: +.7
Total loss: -41.3 
Emotion: Don’t remember

Apparently, I have come down with a mysterious ailment.

It seems that whenever I cram food in my piehole, I somehow forget about the whole concept that there is some sort o relationship between calories consumed and weight loss.

This “cramnesia” strikes at inopportune times, derailing my best efforts at making progress on the scale. I can spend an hour pumping out sweat in the gym, then absent-mindedly overdo it on the eating front.

The most frustrating thing is not that my doctor won’t prescribe something for my “cramnesia” but refuses to acknowledge that it is even a medical condition. That’s the last time I search for a doctor on craigslist!

So anyway, if anyone has heard of a reliable treatment for “cramnesia”, please pass it along.

Drew Barrymore's Engagement Ring Bling

2012-01-06T12:25:00.001-08:00

Drew Barrymore's engagement ring finger is once again sporting a diamond - and if her official engagement photo is any indication?

The third time may just be the charm...

Drew's hunky art-consultant fiance, Will Kopelman, put a stunning colorless, 4-carat, radiant-cut stunner on the 36-year-old actress over the holidays, according to USWeekly.com.

"He's madly in love and knows she's The One," a source told Us in October, adding that the actress was "yearning to get married and have kids."

But first, let's just bask in the glow of this new entry to the celebrity engagement ring Hall of Fame, shall we?

Kopelman designed the ring with Graff Diamonds (yes, THE Laurence Graff-owned bling-house that holds some of the world's most valuable rocks - click here for more on that) - and while 4-carats isn't the largest celebrity shiner we've seen by far (Beyonce, anyone?) the $120,000 estimated price tag is certainly Barrymore-esque, to say the least.

Want more celebrity engagement ring dish? Stay tuned for my posts on Jessica Biel's engagement ring and (Oops, She Did it Again) - Brit-brit's ring finger bling. (I guess my fantasy of a Justin/Britney reunion is now officially a 90s-era pop-star pipe dream.)

And check out the sale I curated on Jewelry.com with some of the top celebrity engagement ring looks for less! We're talking Princess Kate, Ivanka Trump, the (still-married!) Khloe Kardashian and more!

Drew Barrymore's Engagement Ring Bling

2012-01-06T12:25:00.000-08:00

Drew Barrymore's engagement ring finger is once again sporting a diamond - and if her official engagement photo is any indication?

But first, let's just bask in the glow of this new entry to the celebrity engagement ring Hall of Fame, shall we?

Working Out Why Working Out Sucks Doesn’t Suck (plus Giveaway)

2012-01-06T03:36:00.000-08:00

I’ll be honest: I was a little apprehensive as I started reading Working Out Sucks! by Chuck Runyon, the CEO and Co-Founder of Anytime Fitness. I figured that it would be a book-length brochure for his fitness center enterprise, and besides… I was already in the choir that he was preaching to.

I mean, didn’t I write posts like “Working Out Really Sucks,” “You Know What Sucks? Working Out!” and “Nothing Sucks Like Working Out Sucks”? No, I’m asking. Did I write those posts? I’ve written a lot of stuff and I can’t keep track of it all…

But as I got into the book, I noticed that there was something about the tone… a little bit snarky while still being smart, a little bit in-your-face confrontational while staying lively and conversational, that sparked my interest. Oh, there’re plenty of informative facts and figures (as well as a 21-day health and fitness, plus coupons for a free 30-Day Anytime Fitness club pass or a complimentary one-year Anytime Health online membership), but the whole thing comes off more like an intervention.

Chuck goes into vivid detail about all the roadblocks that we face on our path to a healthier life–lack of time, not enough money and the other usual suspects–then proceeds to drive a steamroller over each and every one of them in turn.

And it’s all true. All the excuses that trip us up aren’t nearly as daunting or intimidating as we like to make them out to be.

But where the book really drew me in were the personal accounts of real people and their watershed moments of how they changed their lives through a commitment to exercise and healthy living. These short, first-person accounts (accompanied by before-and-after pics) read like short blog posts and really drive home the message more that statistics and speechifying ever could.

Simple changes can make your life better. You can make a small investment in yourself and your future and see dividends almost immediately. Some days, working out DOES suck, but the only thing that feels worse that exercising is NOT exercising.

Note: If you need one more reason to pick up Working Out Sucks!, all profits from the book are going to Limbs for Life, a global nonprofit organization providing prosthetic care for individuals who can’t otherwise afford it.

Giveaways Don’t Suck! I know how you are about paying for things, so here’s your opportunity to get a free copy of Working Out Sucks!, compliments of Anytime Fitness.

Enter the following two ways:

• Mandatory Entry: Leave a comment on this post telling me what excuses you have used in the past to get out of working out.

• Optional Extra Entry: Tweet the following…

@JackSht may suck but Working Out Sucks doesn’t! http://bit.ly/xOLnkc #workingoutsucks

Giveaway ends this Sunday, January 8, at 10 PM CST. Good luck… and may God have mercy on your soul!

Fitfluential LLC compensated me for this sponsored post. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Fatanic

2012-01-05T04:00:00.000-08:00

INT. DINING SALOON

RUTH

Tell us of the food in steerage, Mr. Sh*t. I hear it’s quite good on this ship.

JACK

The best I've seen, m'am. Hardly any rats.

                                    CAL
Mr. Sh*t is joining us from seventh class. He was of some assistance to my fiancee last night.

                                   JACK
I just showed her the proper way to do pelvic thrusts.

                                   CAL
Anyway, This is foie gras, Jack. It's…

                                   JACK
Goose liver, I know. But did you know that foie gras is surprisingly low in bad fats and high in good fats?

                                GUGGENHEIM

                          (low to Madame Aubert)
What is Hockly hoping to prove, bringing this... blog-hemian... up here?

                                  WAITER
                                   (to Jack)
Would you care for some caviar, sir?

                                    JACK
That’s a tough one… caviar’s really high in cholesterol and sodium, but on the other hand, it’s a rich source of vitamins A and D, as well as omega-3 fatty acids which some researchers say can aid in deterring depression.


                                   RUTH
And where exactly do you live, Mr. Sh*t?

                                   JACK
Well, right now my address is the RMS Fatanic. After that, I'm thinking about stowing away on the Good Ship Lollipop.

                                   RUTH
You find that sort of rootless existence appealing, do you?

                                   JACK
Well... I’m all about staying active, and seeing the world is a great way to do it. Plus, these big ships have really nice fitness facilities. I just hate that they serve 12 meals a day… and that midnight chocolate fountain dessert buffet is a killer! Literally and figuratively! But I’ve learned a hard lesson in this life: to make every calorie count.

                                   MOLLY
Well said, Jack.

                                   COLONEL GRACIE
Here, here.

                                   ROSE
To making every calorie count.

                                   RUTH
How is it you have the means to travel, Mr. Sh*t?

                                   JACK
I have a very popular health and dieting blog.

                                  GRACIE
How much does that make?

                                    JACK
A whole lot, unless you mean actual cash money.

                                   ROSE
Mr. Andrews, what are you doing? I see you everywhere writing in this little book.

                                   ANDREWS
Tracking calories. Our young friend Jack showed me how. See… one scoop of goose liver, 250 calories. It’s really quite informative.

                                   ISMAY
It’s gotten to be Thomas’ obsession. He even made me thin out the walls of the hull to make room for that silly lap pool he wanted installed.

                                  ANDREWS
I have to give Mr. Sh*t the credit for that idea.


                                   COLONEL GRACIE
Well, join me for a brandy, gentlemen?

                                   ROSE
Now they retreat into a cloud of smoke and congratulate each other on being masters of the universe.

                                   COLONEL GRACIE
Joining us, Sh*t? Or are you going to lecture us on how unhealthy brandy is?

                                   JACK
Actually, consuming 30 milliters of brandy per day reportedly has a similar antioxidant effect as a regular dose of vitamin C. But I’m going to get in a late-night workout. I might even do a little swimming once my supper settles…

                                   ROSE
Well, Jack. Thank you for sharing all that useful info on eating healthy and exercise. Is that what your blog is all about?

                                   JACK
No, that’s just the tip of the ice…

BLAAAAAM - CRRUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHH

…what the Hell was that?

Siku, Polar Bears, and a (Nearly) Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-04T16:00:00.000-08:00

Siku (the name means "ice" in Greenlandic), the polar bear cub, is living at a zoo in Denmark and is being hand fed with a bottle because his mother hasn't been able to produce any milk. The zoo has been posting videos and updates on a Facebook page that has quickly attracted more than 20,000 followers.

Video of Siku, the polar bear cub.
Polar bear charms here and here.

I'm Feeling a Little (Health) Tipsy

2012-01-04T06:21:00.000-08:00

• An easy way to remember to take a daily vitamin is to put 30 of them in your mouth at beginning of month and then just swallow one per day.

• Trade your power mower for a push version. If you already use a push mower, trade it in for a push mower that doesn’t have wheels.

• Instead of a glass of orange juice, which may be may be heat processed, watered down, sugared up and stored for a year, why not just drink an orange?

• One way to eat less pork is to raise a baby pig, letting it become your very best friend, and then take him on a field trip to a slaughterhouse.

• You can make good-for-you “Fruit Loops” by looping fresh fruit.

• In order to save calories, instead of 12 ounces of your favorite dish, try eating 11 ounces.

• Did you know that cheese dip isn’t really that unhealthy for your diet, according to a study published in Mexican Restaurant magazine?

• Got some old mushy bananas? Try going to the store and getting some new fresh bananas.

• Adopt the motto “after 8 is too late” for snacks after dinner, as well as the mottos “replace your Skittles with healthy vittles” and “losing weight won’t be so exhausting if you don’t eat that can of frosting.”

Why I No Longer Teach School

2012-01-03T16:00:00.000-08:00

It was winter and the kindergarten teacher was helping her students suit up to go home.

One of the little boys asked for help with his boots, and she soon saw why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. By the time she wrestled the second boot onto his foot, she had worked up a sweat.

And when he said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet," she almost whimpered aloud. Sure enough, they were.

Pulling them off wasn't any easier than putting them on, but she persevered.

She struggled to remain calm as they worked together, putting the boots on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than yell at him. He was, after all, a small child.

So, with a sigh, she went to work, struggling to pull the ill-fitting boots off his feet.

Finally she succeeded... which is when he announced, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them. She made me wear his hat. too."

Close to weeping, she knelt down again and, with a massive effort, wrestled the boots onto his feet once more. "Now," she said, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."

Mittens, hats, and boots here and here.

Famous Last Words

2012-01-03T04:00:00.000-08:00

• “Maybe I’ll just look at the dessert menu…”

• “A week off from exercise will probably be good for me.”

• “Well, I AM on vacation…”

• “Since we’re working late, let’s just order in a pizza…”

• “Well, I hate for it to go to waste…”

• “I can’t really justify that gym membership anymore…”

• “Hey, who brought donuts?”

• “Maybe I’ll just get a small popcorn at the movies…”

• “I’ll just start a new diet on Monday…”

• “Just a little piece… well, maybe not that little… just a bit more…”

• “Maybe I’ll just watch one episode of Mad Men on Netflix on Demand…”

• “A coupon for the all-you-can-eat buffet, you say?”

• “Why not?”

Bam Ba Lam

2012-01-02T08:45:00.000-08:00

Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)  
Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)   
Jack Sh*tty had a prob (Jog-n-Blog)  
Turned into a blob (Jog-n-Blog)  
Said he could change any time (Jog-n-Blog)  
But appears he was lyin’ (Jog-n-Blog)  

I said, Oh, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)  
Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)   

Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)  
Go, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)
He got his life in gear (Jog-n-Blog)
Started laying off the beer (Jog-n-Blog) 
He’s improved immensely (Jog-n-Blog)  
Now he lives less densely (Jog-n-Blog)  
Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)  
Go, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)   

Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)  
Go, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)  
He’s bloggin’ all the time (Jog-n-Blog)  
Don’t ever earn a dime (Jog-n-Blog)  
He may never get rich (Jog-n-Blog)  
But he’s a healthy sumb*tch. (Jog-n-Blog)
Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)
Go, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)

January First Things First

2012-01-01T09:40:00.000-08:00

Attack of the Zombie Snowpersons!

2011-12-31T18:00:00.000-08:00

You thought they were snowmen, didn't you? Jolly happy souls, made of snow, who occasionally came to life.

And sure, some of those snowmen and snow-women you see are the jolly happy souls.

Then there are... the Un Dead. The snowpeeps who are no longer among the living, who search for brains, who lose limbs and don't seem to notice or care.

Try the zombie checklist:

Snowman zombies are undead. This means they used to be dead, but are somehow reanimated .

Zombies don't walk. They shuffle, slide, and roll.

Zombies generally have their arms outstretched.

Zombies don't talk. They do make sounds -- usually something like "Aaaaaangh!" or "Braiiiiiiiiiins!"

Zombies wear dirty torn clothes, if they wear any clothes at all... like a castaway muffler or an old hat.

Zombies are usually covered in blood. Snowman zombies, having different circulatory systems and different eating habits, are covered in, well, snow.

Zombies look like they're sick. You know - kind of bloated, with little body definition.

Zombies have dead expressions and vacant stares. Their eyes might as well be two lumps of Kingsford charcoal.

Zombies crave brains. What do you think these are carrying in their hands?

Zombies will get up after you run them over with your car.

So what to do in case you meet up with a snowman zombie?

Best case scenario: Avoid the zombie in question. Failing that:

Some say decapitation works best and will stop a zombie in his tracks.

Cutting a zombie into tiny pieces with some sort of chainsaw works, but in the case of snow and electrical chainsaws there can be electrocution problems. A snow shovel should do the trick.

Hairdryer.

In any event, exercise caution and stay as far from the zombie snowperson as possible. The further you are, the less likely you are to have an arm or leg ripped off your body.

Zombies will lunge at you if they think they have an open shot at your brains. And on that subject, it is best to keep your head and brains covered.

The zombie snowmen in these earrings will actually protect you. You see, each one is already carrying a brain. So they won't need yours. If other zombie snowmen see them, they will think the brains are YOUR brains, and move on to someone else.

These protection zombie snowmen are available on etsy. Can you afford to be without them?

What Are You Doing New Year's, New Year's Eve?

2011-12-31T16:00:00.000-08:00

Just quietly pondering the last year and listening to Diana Krall. Enjoy...

"What Are You Doing New Year's Eve"

When the bells all ring and the horns all blow
And the couples we know are fondly kissing.
Will I be with you or will I be among the missing?

Maybe it's much too early in the game
Ooh, but I thought I'd ask you just the same

What are you doing New Year's
New Year's eve?

Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight
When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night

Welcoming in the New Year
New Year's eve

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose
I'd ever be the one you chose

Out of a thousand invitations
You received

Ooh, but in case I stand one little chance
Here comes the jackpot question in advance:

What are you doing New Year's
New Year's Eve?

Happy New Year All. May the year ahead be filled with love, peace, happiness, and BrightandShiny moments.

2012: The New Year And New Hope

2011-12-31T08:52:00.000-08:00

"The Gate of the Year"

GOD KNOWS

- Minnie Louise Haskins (1908)

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”
And he replied:
“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.
And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart bestill:

What need our little life

Our human life to know,

If God hath comprehension?

In all the dizzy strife

Of things both high and low,

God hideth His intention.

God knows.

His will Is best.

The stretch of years

Which wind ahead, so dim

To our imperfect vision,

Are clear to God.

Our fears

Are premature;

In Him, All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until God moves to lift the veil

From our impatient eyes,

When, as the sweeter features

Of Life’s stern face we hail,

Fair beyond all surmise

God’s thought around His creatures

Our mind shall fill.
---------

This poem became popular and caught the attention of many people when Queen Elizabeth (the Queen Mother) handed a copy of it to her husband, King George VI and used it as one inspirational quote in his Christmas Broadcast in 1939. God Knows is the original title given by the author but it is popularly known as Gate of the Year.

It has also caught my attention as it was a part of our family devotion before the turns of the year. (Using some of my devotional piece from my subscription in crosswalk is really a blessing, authored by different remarkable christians who stood by their faith.) This poem is a think tank on what a light can do to move in the darkness, to see what is known, to see what lies ahead this new year..and yet the most that we can do is to sink our hands deeply to God so He would light and lead us into the path of the unknown.
"He who trusts in the Lord will be exalted," (Proverbs 29:25) Nothing is better if we could light our path by following His words yet there is more than reading it...if we could hold on Him knowing He wouldn't lead us astray ... so whatever the struggles that we have left behind, a new hope for this new year is to keep holding on to His promises, trusting God and let Him lead us.

And as we make the turn to a new year, face that needs and sink our hand more deeply into God's hand. Pray for one another that as we embark upon a new year, God will grant us and our family His favor.

I Heard a Bird Sing

2011-12-30T16:00:00.000-08:00

by Oliver Herford

I heard a bird sing

In the dark of December

A magical thing

And sweet to remember:

"We are nearer to Spring

Than we were in September,"

I heard a bird sing

In the dark of December.

Spring butterflies here.

Resolutions That Probably Shouldn’t Be On Your List

2011-12-30T04:30:00.000-08:00

• Quit smoking and chewing tobacco at the same time

• Make sure you drink at least one Slurpee per day

• Read more… or at least watch more movies based on books… or at least watch more TV shows based on movies based on books… or at least just watch more TV.

• Exercise at least one minute per week

• Quit drinking coffee after 10 p.m.

• Floss semi-annually

• Take up something new, like salsa-dancing or salsa-eating

• Cut internet time down to 26 hours a day

• Spend more time with friends, family and/or strippers

• Work at reducing debt by purchasing one lottery ticket per day

• Organize office by setting desk on fire

• Each week, spend at least 12 hours improving Angry Birdage skills

Thoughts on Winter Solstice

2011-12-29T16:00:00.000-08:00

The Shortest Day

by Susan Cooper

And so the Shortest Day came and the year died

And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world
Came people singing, dancing,
To drive the dark away.
They lighted candles in the winter trees;
They hung their homes with evergreen;
They burned beseeching fires all night long
To keep the year alive.

And when the new year’s sunshine blazed awake

They shouted, revelling.

Through all the frosty ages you can hear them

Echoing behind us – listen!

All the long echoes, sing the same delight,

This Shortest Day,

As promise wakens in the sleeping land:

They carol, feast, give thanks,

And dearly love their friends,

And hope for peace.

And now so do we, here, now,

This year and every year.

BrightandShinyThings for winter here.

Don’t Read This!

2011-12-29T04:06:00.000-08:00

I’m serious!

This is personal, something just for myself.

I know, it would probably make more sense to simply keep this as a regular document on my computer, but I’ve already started a blog post and I like to finish things that I start (except for that ship-in-a-bottle project that I started in 1989; damn my giant hands!).

Instead, I’ll run you all off by explaining, in excruciating detail, the rules of cricket.

According to Wikipedia, Cricket is a bat-and-ball game played between two teams of 11 players on an oval-shaped field, at the centre of which is a rectangular 22-yard long pitch. One team bats, trying to score as many runs as possible while the other team bowls and fields, trying to dismiss the batsmen and thus limit the runs scored by the batting team. A run is scored by the striking batsman hitting the ball with his bat, running to the opposite end of the pitch and touching the crease there without being dismissed. The teams switch between batting and fielding at the end of an innings. In professional cricket the length of a game ranges from 20 overs of six bowling deliveries per side to Test cricket played over five days. The Laws of Cricket are maintained by the International Cricket Council (ICC) and the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC) with additional Standard Playing Conditions for Test matches and One Day Internationals. Cricket was first played in southern England in the 16th century. By the end of the 18th century, it had developed into the national sport of England. The expansion of the British Empire led to cricket being played overseas and by the mid-19th century the first international matches were being held. The ICC, the game's governing body, has ten full members. The game is played particularly in Australasia, the Indian subcontinent, the West Indies, Southern Africa and England.

Okay, that should have gotten rid of everyone off by now.

Now Jack… Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack…

Think about how good you feel right now, right this very second. You’ve been eating well and exercising regularly for the last week or so.

AND YOU FEEL SO FREAKIN’ GOOD.

You fell off the wagon and you were draggin’ the entire time. You had no energy. Your get-up-and-go just got up and went. The connection was obvious, but you couldn’t put two and two together.

So here’s your reminder, dumbass: Good health and weight loss is a giant boulder that, once it starts rolling, can bust through virtually any obstacle.

But when it comes to a stop, it can be next-to-impossible to get moving again.

So do yourself a favor…

Get it rolling.

Keep it rolling.

And keep it rolling some more.

Winter Tops

2011-12-29T02:25:00.000-08:00

Topshop Striped Sweater Dress

Topshop Dress

ASOS Tartan Cape

Some Very Calvin and Hobbes Snowmen on a (Nearly) Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-28T16:15:00.000-08:00

Snowpersons for all right here.

I'm Bad

2011-12-28T03:43:00.000-08:00

My tummy rollin’ o’er my belt in some too-tight slacks,
I’m weighin’ way too much, it’s time to face the facts.
I was goin’ nowhere in the middle of my life.
Time to pick up my pride, and put down the fork and knife.
Time to quit eatin’ ice cream after dinner every night.
Get busy exercisin’ and straighten out my diet.

Oh, I'm fat… I'm way too wide. 
Yes, I'm fat… I'm way too wide.  

Turns out I feel much better when I sweat a little sweat,
When I eat fresh veggies ‘stead of freshly baked baguette.
When I eat fresh fruit, ‘stead of processed crap
Makes me feel much better, makes Jack a healthy chap.

I was fat… was way too wide. 
Yeah was fat… way. way too wide.  

Well, I was movin' down the road in my runnin’ shoes,
Thinkin’ to myself, “Hey, what have I got to lose?”
With my brand new muscles and my newfound will,
Nothing feels as good as feeling healthy feels. 

I’m not fat… not way too wide. 
I’m not fat, fat, fat, fat, fat… I’ve hit my stride.

Hippo Brains, or Yes, Virginia, There is a Hobbit

2011-12-27T16:00:00.000-08:00

Scientists at the Natural History Museum believe that studies of ancient Madagascan hippos have led to a theory on the origins of the small brain of the 1-metre-tall human, known as the hobbit.

By examining the skulls of extinct Madagascan hippos, Museum scientists discovered that dwarfed mammals on islands evolved smaller brains in relation to their body size.

They now believe that Homo floresiensis may have had a tiny brain because of living on an island. This belief is at the heart of the debate of the hobbit’s origins, whose remains were uncovered on the Indonesian island of Flores in 2003.

The team suggests that the hobbit became a dwarf after its Homo erectus ancestor became isolated on the large island of Flores many years ago.

‘The discovery of a small fossil human from the island of Flores with normal facial proportions but a brain the size of chimpanzee has baffled scientists,’ explained Natural History Museum palaeontologist, Dr Eleanor Weston, who led the research.

‘It could be that its skull is that of a dwarfed mammal living on an island. Looking at pygmy hippos in Madagascar, which possess exceptionally small brains for their size, suggests that the ‘hobbit’ was a dwarf resulting from its H. erectus ancestors being isolated on the island in the past.’

Madagascar has many diverse habitats and was once home to at least 3 species of hippo.

(these aren't them)

The team studied species of extinct Madagascan hippos and their mainland ancestor, the large common hippopotamus.

(this one's not really common ~ he's carved of amazonite)

One of the specimens used, from the Museum’s mammal collection, was a nearly 3000-year-old dwarf hippo skull belonging to the extinct Hippopotamus madagascariensis.

'We found that the brain sizes of extinct dwarf hippos were still up to 30% smaller than you would expect...' explains Dr. Weston. 'It may be advantageous to the survival of animals that become isolated on islands with unique environments, not only to become dwarfs but to reduce the size of their brain.'

So apparently these charmed hippos are perfectly suited to live on a small island, preferably populated with beady vegetation. You can find them here and here.

The entire article (without the CHARMing hippos, alas)

The Health and Fitness Year in Review

2011-12-26T04:47:00.000-08:00

January
With outbreaks of Listeria from deli meats, hot dogs, unpasteurized dairy, raw fruits and veggies, paralytic shellfish poisoning, Vibrio Vulnificus from raw oysters, Botulism from canned foods, E. coli from fresh produce, raw juice, milk and ground beef, Salmonella from raw meat, processed foods, fresh produce, poultry and eggs, Campylobacter from undercooked poultry, Hepatitis A from improper food handling, Ciguatera Poisoning from fish, Scombrotoxin from fresh tuna, C. Perfringens from meat, stew and gravy, Staph from sandwiches, salads and pastries, everyone agrees to quit eating everything.

February
The FDA urges the corn industry to stop using the term “corn sugar” in an effort to differentiate the effects of high fructose corn syrup from sugar. The corn industry agrees to change the name to “corncaine.”

March
Scientists declare that Vitamin E does nothing to help skin, mental health or weight management despite earlier claims to the contrary. Later in the day, scientists declare that Vitamin D is a super-supplement reported to help skin, mental health and weight management.

April
Folks around the world embrace The Paleo Diet, a program heavy on meat and vegetables and free of grains, in conjunction with a focus on lifting heavy rocks and sprinting away from sabre-toothed tigers.

May
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s initiative to ban people from using food stamps to purchase soda is struck down by the USDA. This development doesn’t bode well for the mayor’s other health initiatives, which include forcing kids to eat oatmeal every morning, outlawing chocolate-covered raisins, making all cabbies stop at least once per hour to do 200 sit-ups and giving vegetables the right to vote.

June
According to an American Cancer Society study, men and women who sit for more than six hours a day are as good as dead.

July
President Bill Clinton celebrates his heart healthy vegan diet with a double bacon cheeseburger with extra cheese and a side of bacon.

August
Race-day spectators watch in awe as Amber Miller crosses the finish line at the Chicago Marathon and proceeds to go into labor. They are even more impressed when–hours later–she gave birth to a healthy baby who immediately runs a 5K around the hospital grounds.

September
Talk show host Dr. Mehmet Oz creates a stir when his study finds that apple juice contains potentially dangerous levels of inorganic arsenic. He pressures the apple juice industry to make a change and start using organic arsenic in their products.

October
Dancing With the Stars invites Chaz Bono to be a contestant in its celebrity dance contest, which raises awareness for overweight transsexuals.

November
Earlier in the year, the USDA proposes changes to the nation’s school lunch program for the first time in 15 years. This month, Congress blocks those changes, not only declaring tomato paste on pizza a vegetable, but also proclaiming Jell-O and tater tots to be superfoods.

December
Researchers warn of potential injuries caused by those popular barefoot running shoes, which contain little if any padding and lack the support and cushioning many runners need. Also, say scientists, they look kinda dorky.

Traditional Hairstyles

2011-12-25T04:54:00.000-08:00

Traditional Hairstyles

Fashion Week in Paris

2011-12-25T04:36:00.000-08:00

Fashion Week in Paris

Merry C From Jack S

2011-12-24T13:24:00.000-08:00

Unto us a Son is given, Unto us a Child was born

2011-12-24T06:55:00.000-08:00

Who has heard the real Christmas story? It isn't the fat man in a red suit that we always know giving kids gifts on christmas eve, it isn't some guys who are singing carol songs and handling you a small, white envelope, it isn't the shopping spree that we do during the 'ber' months making us tired and cash strapped after it..

Christmas story is about a young virgin who was engaged to a carpenter and yet even though she conceived a child by the power of the Holy Spirit, the carpenter took her as his wife. It is about a couple who were told by God to go even if the woman is heavy on her pregnancy, asking for a room to stay and to give birth. Christmas story was about a baby named Jesus, born in a manger, visited and praised by shepherds and wise men from the East. Christmas is Jesus Christ who saves His people from sin.The only begotten son who was given to us for us to have etenal life

We don't know the exact date of His birth, but one thing is sure... once in this world a Father has given His Son to save us, a child was born in a lowly stable though he is great to give us hope in the face of uncertainty....

Nog Nog

2011-12-23T04:20:00.000-08:00

Nog Nog.
Who’s there?
Claudette.
Claudette who?
Claudette all the fruitcake!

Nog Nog.  
Who’s there?
Julie.
Julie who?
Ju leave any cookies for Santa?

Nog nog.
Who’s there?
Eisenhower.
Eisenhower who?
Eisenhower late for the Christmas party.

Nog nog .
Who's there? 
Botany.
 Botany who?
 Botany of those special flavored coffees at Starbucks yet? They’re yummy!

  Nog nog. 
Who's there? 
Justice.
 Justice who? 
Justice once I’m going to eat some fruitcake, okay?  

Nog nog. 
Who's there? 
Baby owl. 
Baby owl who? 
Baby owl try to exercise some during the holidays.  

Nog nog. 
Who's there? 
Norma Lee. 
Norma Lee who? 
Norma Lee I say I'm gonna exercise some during the holidays but don't.  

Nog nog. 
Who's there? 
Ice cream soda.   
Ice cream soda who?   
I SCREAM SODA PEOPLE CAN HEAR ME WISH ‘EM HAPPY HOLIDAYS!  

Nog nog.
Who’s there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Chicken your stocking and see what you got.

Nog nog.
Who’s there?
Hannah.
Hannah who?
Hannah partridge in a pear tree!

Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke under the tree at all those presents!

Nog nog. 
Who's there?  
Augusta .
Augusta who? 
Augusta get back on my diet soon.

Bad, Badder, Worstest... The Holiday Edition

2011-12-22T03:35:00.000-08:00

Bad: You overindulged at the office Christmas party.
Badder: You woke up splayed out in the fountain at the mall.
Worstest: You’re hooked up to a vodka IV right now.

Bad: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stocking.
Badder: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stockings… and blamed the dog.
Worstest: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stockings… and blamed Santa.

Bad: You’ve drunk your weight in eggnog.
Badder: You’ve thrown out all other food in your fridge so that you can keep more eggnog on hand.
Worstest: CNN does story about worldwide eggnog shortage and your name comes up repeatedly.

Bad: Pants are entirely too tight.
Badder: You’ve had to cut the necks out of all your turtleneck sweaters.
Worstest: You can’t find a shawl that fits.

Bad: You realize you haven’t done any meaningful exercise in December.
Badder: You realize you haven’t done any meaningful exercise in 2011.
Worstest: You realize that you have same muscular definition as newborn baby.

Bad: You ate 25 deviled eggs at a holiday party.
Badder: Hostess comes up to talk to you just as you’re jamming entire cheese ball in your mouth.
Worstest: You’re first to arrive at holiday party and food is all gone before second guest arrives.

Bad: You’ve succumbed to a peppermint bark addiction.
Badder: While in line at Starbucks to get Peppermint Mocha Latte, you’re plotting route on your phone to the next closest Starbucks to get another Peppermint Mocha Latte.
Worstest: Doc informs you that your blood type is “O positively peppermint”.

Bad: You’ve decided to put off your healthy living quest until the new year.
Badder: Gym is so busy in January that you’ve decided to wait until it clears out some.
Worstest: Decided that 2012 can just go to hell.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

2011-12-21T17:34:00.000-08:00

A Visit from Saint Nicholas

by Clement Clarke Moore

’T was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of tuna flakes danced in their heads;

And mamma in her ’kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap;
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and Saint Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Saint Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

eBay Christmas
etsy Christmas

You're Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Fatass

2011-12-21T04:03:00.000-08:00

You’re beginning to look a lot like a fatass.
Ev’rything you eat
Is fried in bacon grease, portions tend to increase. 
How long has it been since you could see your feet?

You’re beginning to look a lot like a fatass.
Snackin’ at ev’ry turn,
But the craziest thing you do is eat until you spew. 
Won’t you ever learn?    

One day you looked in the mirror and saw things much clearer.
A change just had to be made.
Now you’re eating much better and are now a sweat sweater .
It’s a healthy living crusade.
Now you can hardly wait to get your chunky bottom weighed.

You’re beginning to look a lot less like a fatass. 
Ev’ryday you go,
To the gym and do some lunges and eat some healthy lunches.
It’s amazing how you’ve done it, don’t you know.

You no longer look so much like a fatass.
Your pants aren’t way too tight.
You’ve gotten much, much thinner since you don’t eat two suppers for dinner,
And stuck to your diet.
You no longer look at all like a fatass. 
You’re finally on your way.
And the thing that makes you smile, makes the whole ordeal worthwhile: 
Each day’s a brand new day.
It’s a new one, starting today.

Taylor Momsen Long Hairstyles 04

2011-12-20T09:42:00.000-08:00

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Taylor Momsen Long Hairstyles 03

2011-12-20T09:37:00.000-08:00

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Taylor Momsen Long Hairstyles 02

2011-12-20T09:33:00.000-08:00

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Taylor Momsen Long Hairstyles

2011-12-20T09:28:00.000-08:00

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A Few More Holiday Health Tips

2011-12-20T04:33:00.000-08:00

• When you're at a holiday party, one way to keep from overindulging in to lock yourself in the bathroom and play Angry Birds on your phone for three hours.

• Instead of eggnog, how about egg substitute-nog?

• You can make healthy "candy canes" by twirling lines of mushed beet paste around stalks of celery.

• If you're at a zombie holiday party, and you see a gelatinous mold in the shape of a brain, don't just assume it's Jell-O.

• Don't fill your coat pocket with ranch dressing even if it makes for more convenient dipping.

• You can burn a load of calories by going to the mall on Christmas Eve and doing all your holiday shopping.

• Print out my blog and carry it around with you at all times in case you find yourself requiring an inspirational lift.

More Fat Ass-trology for the Holidays

2011-12-19T05:16:00.000-08:00

ARIES-LING (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
You'll realize you have a problem when you hear "Why did you eat that gingerbread house? It was just for decoration!" for the third time this holiday season.

TARTUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
You go for a walk wearing a white track suit and kids start screaming "Ayyyyyy! A snowman came to life!"

GEMINCEMEAT (May 21 - June 20)

Good news: you'll manage to keep all of your upcoming New Year's resolutions. Bad news: only resolutions are not to eat any prunes and not to wear any clothes made out of seal-skin.

CANCEREAL (June 21 - July 22)
You've got some explaining to do to your kids on Christmas morning when your kids find letter from Santa that reads "Who ate my damn cookies?"

LEOREO (July 23 - Aug 22)
Expect not to get invited to any more holiday parties after what is hereafter referred to as "The Deviled Egg Incident".

VIRGOOBERS (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You'll experience a major bummer when your hyration-pack-full-of-eggnog experiment fails spectacularly.

LIBROWNIES (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Realize New year diet is off to a bad start when you read in the paper that Dunkin Donuts is planning to open new location in your living room.

SCOOPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
After using it for three months, you realize that the app you downloaded to track your calories counts a king-sized box of Milk Duds as 10 calories.

SPAGHETTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You realize you've hired the wrong personal trainer when he refuses to wear any pants during session.

CANDICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Your vow to quit drinking diet cola faces a tough obstacle when you have a sudden realization: you really like diet soda!

AQUARICEARONI (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
You'd better come up with a better excuse than "I thought it was a cookie-eating contest!" or else everyone at the cookie exchange is gonna be furious with you.

REECE’S PISCES (Feb 19 - March 20)
You will meet a handsome stranger at the train station. Did I say "handsome"? I meant "overweight". Did I say "at the train station"? I meant "in the mirror". Oh, SNAP!

Why I Blog the Way I Blog

2011-12-18T03:09:00.000-08:00

Weekly weigh-in: 249.5
Loss: -6.5
Total loss: -42
Emotion: Jacked up

I don’t blog like most weight loss warriers, sharing my menus and workout routines. Oh, I have menus and workout routines. Don’t believe I don’t have them! I HAVE THEM!

I just find them incredibly… boring.

When I’m rolling along, I’ll go weeks at a time eating the same breakfasts and lunches, maybe changing my exercise routines up slightly but maybe not at all. It is the opposite of fascinating.

But here’s the thing: I’m in for the long haul, or at least that’s what I tell myself.

So… for me, blogging is about staying engaged in what I’m doing.

If I write a post about silly weigh-in tricks (never eat any black cat on your weigh-in day, jump on when the scale’s not looking, skip your pre-weigh-in snack), it’s not because I think weighing in is silly; it’s because if I’m weighing in on anything weight- or health-related, my mind’s in the game.

So, I’m back getting after it. I’m eating a little less, eating a little better, exercising every day. I’m blogging the silliness out of my system and taking a no-nonsense approach to my health.

That’s what works for me.

What works for you?

The Elves and the Shoemaker and Some BrightandShinyThings

2011-12-17T16:52:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, in a cottage hidden by tall pine trees, there lived a shoemaker.

He worked very hard and he was very honest but still, given the current economic conditions and the proliferation of WalMarts, he could not earn enough to live on. At last, all he had in the world was gone, except for enough leather to make one final pair of shoes.

The shoemaker cut out the leather so that he could make the shoes in the morning. He planned to awaken early, as was his nature and work ethic. Despite his economic woes, his conscience was clear and his heart was light. He counted sheep went to sleep.

In the morning, after finishing his meditations and some T'ai Chi, he sat down to work. To his great wonder, upon his workbench, he found the shoes, fully made. The shoemaker didn't know what to say or think. When he examined the workmanship, each stitch was tiny and perfect. The work was so beautifully done that the shoes were a masterpiece, in the shoe world.

Shortly thereafter a customer entered his shop and saw the shoes (since they were the only shoes there, this was not a great feat). They fit perfectly and the customer paid the shoemaker more than the usual asking price for the fine footwear.

With the money, the shoemaker bought enough leather for two more pairs of shoes. That evening, he cut the leather and laid it out on the bench. Then he went to bed and counted sheep. Soon he was fast asleep.

The next day, after meditation and T'ai Chi, he went to his workbench. To his astonishment, now two pairs of fully made shoes sat on the there, and the craftsmanship was as superb as on the pair the day before. They quickly sold, and for a good price.

The shoemaker used the money to buy leather for four pairs of shoes. He cut out the work again and, in the morning, found his work complete. Four pairs of shoes waited for him. These sold even faster than the previous three pairs.

Life went on like this for some time: what was prepared at sundown was ready at sunrise. Soon the poor shoemaker was no longer poor. He was thriving. He married his childhood sweetheart and moved her into the cottage, where they meditated and did T'ai Chi together.

One evening, around Christmas, the shoemaker and his wife were sitting by the fire chatting. He admitted that he would like to stay up and watch to see who came each night to do his work for him. His wife encouraged him, so that night, they left a light burning while they hid in a corner of the room, behind some curtains. Together they waited and watched.

When midnight came, two elves arrived. They sat at the shoemaker’s bench, took up all the work that was laid out, and began to work, shaping the new shoes. They were not only talented; they were fast and incredibly cute. The shoemaker could barely take his eyes off them.

They worked until their work was done, barely making a peep. Then away they went, faster than a speeding pullet.

The next day the shoemaker remarked to his wife that these elves had made them rich. They both agreed that, not only should they be thankful, but they should do the elves a good turn, as well. The elves had looked very cold the night before (they didn't have the hats then), and so the shoemaker and his wife decided they should make them some hats, and prepare a meal for them. Together the couple stitched hats of red, and made a feast of seed. That night, along with the prepared shoe leather, they set out the hats and food. Then they turned on the light and hid.

Before long, the elves appeared, hatless again. But this time they looked different.

These elves were thrilled with the hats, and donned them immediately. They were less interested in the seed, and went to work without touching it. They worked until they were finished, and disappeared into the night.

The next day, after they sold the shoes and set out new leather, the shoemaker and his wife made another set of hats and set out a meal of fish. Then they hid and waited.

Pretty soon, who arrived but... two different elves.

These elves were equally thrilled with the hats. Though they didn't seem much interested in the fish, they ate it anyway. Then they went to work, quickly crafting fine sets of shoes. When they were done, they ambled out into the night.

This time the shoemaker and his wives made hats and set out soup bones. And that night the elves came.

The happily put on their new hats, sniffed the bones with disdain, made shoes all night long, and slipped away before the morning light.

The next day, the shoemaker and his wife made little red suits for all the elves they had seen. They set out seed and fish, and bones, and liver pate. Then they hid.

That night ALL the elves arrived. They donned their suits, ate their fill, ignored the shoes, danced the night away, and never came back again.

The good couple saw them no more; but everything went well with them from that time forward, as long as they lived. (And the WalMart went out of business.)

eBay Christmas
etsy Christmas

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2011-12-16T09:42:00.000-08:00

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2011-12-16T09:35:00.000-08:00

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2011-12-16T09:25:00.000-08:00

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2011-12-16T09:22:00.000-08:00

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2011-12-16T09:19:00.000-08:00

Jacquline Top

Kimborly Taylor

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Twinkle by Wenlan

2011-12-16T09:17:00.000-08:00

Twinkle by Wenlan